Emo post....just ignore it la!!!

I am at kuantan for a week already. And strangely, for the very first time in my life, i don't feel like staying at kuantan anymore. Hmm, should not say like this. How to put it in words?? Let me think....

I should say i don't feel anticipation to come back kuantan anymore. Why? I don't know. I don't feel the blood rushing in my body is pure kuantanese blood anymore. There is a mixture of "unidentified" substance inside. I don't know how to disclose but one thing for sure is that i have kinda lost the feeling of rushing back to kuantan with speed of light (imagination...lol....) just to sleep on my bed, meet with my friends, talk to my family and enjoy kuantan food and of course drive like a mad fellow in kuantan street!!!

All these feelings have long gone. What i found out this time is i totally lost in kuantan. Don't feel like this is the town i have grown up. All the smiles on my face are kinda squeezed out. Maybe i have been staying in subang for quite a long time. Wearing a thicker mask than what i supposed to wear in kuantan (oops, now everyone knows that i was wearing mask in kuantan...). And now the mask is growing thicker and thicker. I laugh not because i am happy....it is because i don't feel like crying at that moment. Get what i mean? I smile not because i want to smile.....it is just because out of respect. Anyone get what i mean?

Actually. i thought i have found out someone that could understand my inner feeling. But, distance is cruel. Yes, 18 months ago he understood me. But now, sorry, i think i better be a "lone ranger" again.

"Lone ranger" is cold-hearted. Maybe i am destined to be cold-hearted. Hmm.....why i so emo tonight?

Anyway, 3 more days to go back to subang. A place full of mask-wearing people and to find a people that u can put 100% trust on them is as hard as malaysian football team to win World Cup.

18 months in Subang has moulded me into a more "faked" person. I don't want to be like this. But reality is just so mean. I want to take off my mask that i was wearing in secondary school but at the end it turned out to be the other way round. My mask has became thicker and it is now almost impossible to take it off.

Thanks to who? I don't know. But i already have a name list in my mind. Should i thank them or curse them? Maybe i have to thank them. These masks are important for my survival. But still, in terms of "fackness", i am still miles behind somebody. They are just pure actors (or actress). But they are not the same class as Edwin. Haha, who still remember Edwin? But thanks to him, i learnt and become very matured now. Some people say i am too introvert, but i think this is called self-protection.

It is 1.30am now. Emo post can be very long. But i don't feel like typing anymore. Kuantan no more a safety fort for me. Neither subang. Where can i go? My heart says "nowhere"